Another Dimension
Born in Sydney at the tender age of zero on 23 April 1987, Jon Hoevenaars was destined for something unusual. Heading south of the Murray to where football is played in 1988, he spent the majority of his time in Victoria’s southern province of Geelong.
From a youthful age, Jon has possessed a passion for all things media. With a keen interest in the written, broadcast media and new media, he aspires to become versatile across the industry in its entirety. We spoke to to the man himself.
Tell me, Jon, what are you?
I’m a human being for the most part – male. Though I do possess unhuman characteristics at times. I suppose it is the way I’ve been conditioned. When I was younger, I woke up in my cot to find a battery had come out of my ear. Since that day, my family has likened me to an appliance. But it was a Duracel so I’m not complaining.
And what is your earliest memory of your existence?
Strangely and unfortunately, I remember my parents’ wedding at St. Mark’s Church, Darling Point in 1984. Given that it was three years before I was born, it has puzzled scientists for many years and concerned my family for even longer. But I still remember sitting with my Godmother on the inside end of the rear left pew. She was holding me so I was facing the back wall of the church where I can still picture a brass plaque adjacent to the main door.
Right. So you can remember things from before your own conception?
Yes. Duracel lasts twice as long as Eveready Super Heavy Duty.
You do realise you’re a freak, don’t you?
Yes and no. I don’t think ‘freak’ is the proper word to use though. I would only use it in reference to pinheads, puppet people, Elephant Man, the three-legged juggler and the hairy Chinese kid. And Steve Merchant. These are all people with obvious physical differences. Aside from the fact that a battery came out my ear, I am as human as the next person.
Well you don’t really dress like one?
What does that mean? What am I supposed to dress like? Should I be wearing a little pink suit and stockings three shades darker than my own skin pigmentation like you? You’re a disgrace to all journalists. Who do you write for, anyway?
It’s not important. Sorry to have offended you.
Not at all. Next.
A lot of people have read your works and want to know what you get up to in your spare time.
Mischief most of the time – haha! But seriously, I really couldn’t tell you. It’s often hard to distinguish between time and spare time in my life. I sort of do things for fun on the go. If I’m travelling to work or uni, I’ll do it differently and find something interesting to occupy my relatively vacant mind. Mental stimulation is a must for me.
Is it true you suffered from Attention Deficit Disorder as a child?
Sorry?
Is it true you suffered form Attention Deficit Disorder as a child?
How long is a piece of string?
I’m sorry. I don’t follow.
They’re rhetorical questions aren’t they. They don’t have answers. Why is the sky blue? Why are dogs’ noses wet? Same sort of thing.
It wasn’t rhetoric. Did you suffer from ADD – yes or no?
Did you suffer from bad manners as a child? Because I think you still do. You should consult your mother.
Right. Well. Is there anything else you’d like to add before we finish up?
Yes. I’d like to add two and two together and realise that you’re a crooked, intrusive, obnoxious and fascist journalist. Tell me what publication you’re from so I can ring them up and report you.
I’m from the Herald Sun. I’m very sorry if you feel that way. It wasn’t my desired intention.
Does Mike Sheahan still work there?
Yes, he writes football. He’s the chief editor of his department actually.
Do you reckon you could get me his autograph?
Um, yeah. I could definitely ask him for you. Why do you want his autograph?
Who’s asking the questions here, lady?
Well – me, to be honest.
I’ve had enough of your cheek. The interview is over. Just send that autograph in the mail. Cheers.
Jonty mate, your talent surpasses you!
Even your multiple vocal talents on the phone at work are a credit to your outstanding ability.
As a fellow media person, I commend you
Keep up the terrific work!!!
Cheers mate
Jonty,
Your idiosincracies are imense and portentious. One day, I will see Sandra S. on T.V. telling me that J. Rhodes is the new J. Lo…..with better boobs. I sense that from reading your somewhat intentionly tenuous blog that you are “the man.” Stay with ‘it’
-Your biggot (biggest) fan
Ed
PS: I pronounce “Aboriginies” as “Abordigiknees”
This self-interview is very clever, something out of the Ricky Gervais handbook of comedy.
Mike Sheahan’s autograph? Give me a break.
NP
Graduated in 2004. Its now 2007. However in the world of Jonty Rhodes he is still happily attending Christian College. I think its time to move on from Christian College life and focus on the present and future rather than make jokes about people you havent seen in years and poems based on a 2003 sermon by Ben Brandon. I think its time to seriously move on. Christian College is long over.
You were very brave to leave such an obvious alias, fcfcxgh.
I’m obviously not attending Christian College. I am in my third and final year of my degree and more intent on the present and future than ever before. I don’t see why I can’t recollect about some memorable and funny times in my life on the side. I enjoy writing about them and most people enjoy reading about them. You obviously don’t. Why bother visiting my blog in the first place? No need to move on from your memories if they’re worth keeping. If you honestly have a problem with anything I’ve written and you are able to identify yourself, I’d be more than happy to talk with you and accept any legitimate criticism.
But until then, fcfcxgh, the blog will continue and you will remain an enigma.
Yours sincerely,
Jon
You suck fcfcxgh. Grow some balls and show your name/face.
I know if I were O’connor and you were posting shit about me i’d beat the fuck out of you next time I saw you.
If i were you, Jon, I’d simply block the hell out of fcfcxgh’s IP. Simple and satisfying. And, just delete every comment it makes. Because they will always be shit. Absolute shit.
This poses an interesting dilemma.
I don’t want to deny anyone the opportunity to read my material. But I don’t really want to upset people either. Although there is a fine line, my justification is when recollecting events from the past, they are all 100% factual. I research the events as scrupulously as possible and I present the accounts in a way that is truthful and entertaining. It is all in good spirits. And in no way does it defame Ryan.
Ryan O’Connor is a good person for the most part. I had quite a lot to do with him through his time at Christian College: I spent eight weeks at the farm with him, played alongside him in Middle School concert band and welcomed him into our basketball team in Senior School. We all were amused by his antics during these years and it is my desire to document these events in my blog. While this is a public forum, so to speak, it is also optional whether you access it or not.
So, fcfcxgh, what are we to do? Considering you haven’t been able to identify yourself, you used profanities in your comment and wrote with a threatening tone doesn’t say much for your ability to address issues maturely. If you are serious about your criticisms, I’d appreciate if you addressed them in a mature and civil fashion.
I promise to seriously consider any legitimate concerns you have.
Yours sincerely,
Jon
hear hear!
I’m absolutely for blocking the IP. I agree that people should be able to comment however they want, but not anonomously. You should block this castrado cause he won’t ID himself, and yes I’m making the assumption it’s a bloke…..even though he clearly has no balls. The testicle inversion that is taking place here is somewhat astounding.
Good on Jon for being rational, which I’m generally all for when I’m involved, however when my mates are recieving flak, I’ll be the first to stand up and say “fcfcxgh, you are a gutless piece of shit who would be wise to NOT identify yourself or make anymore comments.”
-Ed Harcourt
Actually what is this fcfcxgh’s IP Jonty. Post it here and I’ll get on it.
That Ed guy is quite clearly a homo.
Phew. And I was worried I was a coward.
I was worried that ‘homo’ without any suffix doesn’t actually mean anything but ‘the same’.
I think it’s about time Jon took his hand off his dick and started writing something meaningful in his blogs rather than some wanky teenage bullshit about things that don’t even exist. Cockhead.
fcfcxgh, what is your desired intention from these bouts of aggressive and explicit drivel? It’s not working between us so far.
If you think so poorly of my blog, why do you keep visiting it? Nothing’s changed since your first visit because you can’t identify yourself. And if I don’t know my audience, how can I write for them?
Thanks for signing your comment with an alternative nickname. Do you prefer that over ‘fcfcxgh’?
P.S. My earlier comments still apply if you prefer conclusion over conflict. I know I do.
I myself don’t really think this is a heated battle. Firstly one there’s the fact that ball-less over here won’t ID, and secondly Jonty you’re too nice. There’s not enough agression from your end to be considered a battle.
I think this fcfcxgh character deserves a bit of credit… normally when people get fired up and post those sorts of comments, it is with poor spelling and grammar because they are simpletons. This person actually writes pretty well and unlike your average retard, could recall the year of graduation and use a word like ’sermon’ with Benny Brandon.
I’d also like to know the true identity of this person, but if we keep posting messages requesting it, they’ll be less likely to give it. I don’t approve of everything they’ve written, but some of it is funny, so it’d be great to know who the ‘man behind the mask’ is.
NP
fcfcxgh is right. I am unable to stop living in the long gone Christian College days. Its tough going from Christian College, where I began as a book worm nerd and somehow unbeknownst to me became mildly popular for once in my life, with everyone taking notice of me and my activities. Then going to uni where nobody notices and or cares about anything I do.
Well. Isn’t this the height of intelligence? How cool are people who leave lame, abusive tripe about someone’s else’s business? I, personally, think it’s great form. Especially considering they won’t reveal their indentity; this shows that they are cowardly, weak and afraid of what people will think of them.
“fcfcxgh”, you obviouly feel strongly about Jon’s blog. If you want anyone to take you seriously, reveal yourself. Otherwise you’ll remain a complete toolkit.
If you’re going to comment in this manner, maybe you should take your hand off YOUR penis first, before calling the kettle black. Go do something useful with your time.
fcfcxgh,
Your last comment is as weak as you are.
You’ve realised that the only way someone will support you, is if you pose as someone else and “agree” with yourself.
Not only that, but you weren’t even convincing. It wasn’t clever or funny or even accurate. The only laugh I got out of it was due to your blatant and pathetic attempt to offend me. And you even failed to do that!
We’d all love to know what you do with your life, considering you know so much about me and mine.
Go audition for ‘Deal or No Deal’ or something.
This has been another professional communication.
This anonymous poster should know better than to post his dirty washing out on the net.
I have an inkling of who this fcfcxgh imposter might be…
When trying to work out who fcfcxgh is, you have to ask:
* Who has a derogatory sense of humour?
* Is this person articulate?
* Have they conducted in online banter before?
* Do they know Jon Hoevenaars, Ben Brandon and did they attend Christian College?
From where I sit, all of these criteria point to one person.
Your mum?
Wouldn’t have even been funny back in 2001, Kennedy. Living back in the Christian College days there. Move on.
I’ve had enough of people calling me ‘ball-less’ and ‘weak’. The reason i witheld my name was to be taken seriously ‘ten’. I feel i have to defend innocent victims that have felt the wrath of this shit that Jonty has posted. I’ve consided you as a friend until recently, when a few home truths became evident. I think i’ve been the brunt of laughter and practical jokes for too long. I’ve been referred to as a stalker, loser and faggot amongst other things. There are others like me who have been offended by online material that has been posted by Jon and others since the ibca forum days.
Since I have left my real name everyone can get off my back. I’m not the coward you all make me out to be. Since i left school I have established a friendship group who have made me realise how harshly I was treated.
yours sincerly
fcfcxgh or ry
P.S. Ed likes to tounch himself over male porn.
christine ryan blair
9 0 16
24 10 16
36 23 16
58 26 16
73 26 26
76 28 46
78 28 69
82 49 69
82 70 73
82 95 98
85 95 120
Whoever is writing messages on Jon’s blog under my name better say who they really are because they are obviously gutless bastards who have trouble speaking there own opinion themselves so they decide to slander someone else’s name by posing as them and talking a load of crap about things they don’t understand.
Jon Hoevernaars is a dear and close friend of mine and whoever this
is really has it in for myself and Jon, and I have been reading what you have posted, which has disgusted me, do us all a favor and turn yourself in, you like to talk about cowards so I’m sure you have had a lot of practice being one cos from all I can gather from your postings your are the biggest coward of them all.
I have met some bad people in my time but you sir you take the cake, it takes a person with a black soul to do what you have done and yours must be the blackest soul of them all.
From, Ryan ‘The real one not some total bastard’ Hall
Whats all the numbers?
Yes Laga i wondered that myself, maybe that son of bitch who wrote it can give us the answer
This comment page just gets weirder and weirder…
This is quite incredible. I feel so honoured to be singled out by the now infamous villain ‘fcfcxgh.’ I really do. TAKE THAT KENNEDY!!!
He’s put himself in a precarious situation. Either he grows some balls but shows how stupid he actually is by owning up, or he remains a dickless wonder and keeps his precious anonimity – but deep deep down, he knows he is, and always will be a loser.
Either way noone here will respect him. I’m kind of hoping he doesn’t come forward and keeps making an ass bandit of himself and we’ll be provided with of free entertainment.
Fcfcxgh, my sexuality is what it is. I’m not actually gay, but I’m comfortable with who I am so call me what you will. I’d much rather be called any derogatory homosexual term than to be known as a coward.
Suprise suprise. Another blog entry from Jon based straight out of 2002.
What am I taking, Ed? I don’t get it.
Man this Fcfcxgh is struggling now. Assuming another’s indentity is only for the lowest. Like Jerry.
I agree with fcfcxgh. Ed is an Ass Bandit, and he proves it with his last post. It’s time to tell everyone that your coming out of the closet and into someones ass.
Ah yes. The intelligence grows by the comment. ‘fcfcxgh,’ I mean Alan, thank you for borrowing my insults. Be encouraged by the fact that no one expects you to come up with anything original or non-homosexual. We understand you lack the cognitive reasoning, the vocabulary, and the balls to come up with anything remotely original or clever.
With your next attempt at a comeback, why don’t you try impersonating a female. That would demonstrate that girls like you and are siding with you, and that you are a big tough man.
If that fails, you could mimick something I’ve said again. That was mightily effective last time you did it. Perhaps you could even include another sexually derisive statement? Something like “Why don’t you try raping a dog. That would demonstrate that you are a fag?” Feel free to use that one of need be.
If you do that, then you’ve taken elements of this comment and insterted fairly explicit sexual themes, which may prove effective in insulting me again.
You could try a short, sharp “fuck off,” demonstrating your ability to transcend this argument.
If all that fails you could go for something personal, seeing as you know who I am – an advantage for you as…..well…..no one knows who you are.
Coward.
No need to get so fired up, Ed… let’s get back on track. Who is fcfcxgh? I’d say it is someone who felt they were burnt by the IBCA Forum days. Anyone who knew about that will be thinking along the same lines as me. I think this anonymous poster, ironically, is female.
wat tha fuk hav i done?
Interesting. I’m intrigued and entertained not fired up. Even more so after your latest observations, Nick.
Hey, Ed. What were you talking about before? the “TAKE THAT KENNEDY!” comment? I’m intrigued more by that than by this absolute wank who is wasting everyones time and brain power. He’s sucked us all in. Block him/her and lets move on.
Or not. I don’t really mind. It’s sort of funny really.
It’s not….surely not someone who shares your initials Nick?
Could be.
Kennedy I was merely pointing out that I was recieving the brunt of Fcfcxgh’s vitriol whereas you remained unscathed.
I think by now we’ve all got a fairly good idea who it is. I guess this would be a good time to come forward and maintain whatever courage you have left seeing as it’s pretty clear who stole Ryan Hall’s identity at the very least.
Let’s rule out N.P. She’s in another dimension altogether. Also, I’ve placed a question mark over the existence of ‘Alan’. Does anyone know of an Alan Hunter? Even if he does exist, he is in no place to pass comment about Ed. This blog isn’t about Ed.
True. It’s about the gutless sonofabitch who is literate enough to compose an inciteful argument, cowardly enough to not leave a name, but stupid enough to leave a trace. Come forward before you’re named.
Yeah, Erin. Come forward.
Did you go to Christian College, Ed? I thoght you would have fit in better an Joey’s. There are more of your kind there. You could have had some fun in the toilets at lunch-time. You know, sucking dick and all.
hahahahahahaha! That’s funny. So clever. Who would have thought that such humour existed? Until now; genius.
I’m so let down. I didn’t even get a laugh out of that one. You went for the ‘personal information’ appraoch. The easy option. It just makes it hard because I don’t know anything about this mysterious phantom.
Although………….Simon seems to.
Massive Attack – The Hunter Gets Captured By The Game
Peter Combe – Spaghetti Bolagnaise
that Ed guy is quite clearly a -
Michael Tarnat – Jehova Jirah
Hey Simon.
No need to get so personal!
(Comment 36)
Thanks everyone, that provided me with a great 20 mins of procrastination. I like your material Jonty
Jes is a homo
You’re all fucking gay.
Jon-you’re a fuckhead just in general.
this mysterious character needs to get a fucking life.
The comments prove to produce more entertainment than the blog itself. Pretty silly if you ask me though, especially the kids who don’t put their real name. The person who has commented previously reminds me of someone who seems better suited being housed in some type of asylum. In fact, the message would be something that you’d expect to be written in phoeces underneath a serial-killer’s house. Even if you are going to attempt to seek attention from others by posting messages containing little, to no humour; one would think that a better name than “Jkdhfieso” could be produced. It wasn’t even a slight improvement on the previous town-tool, “Fcfcxgh”. Otherwise, great site and “keep doing the doodlin’, always do the doodlin’, keep the dream alive”.
As I said, you’re all fucking gay
fghwgads
This person votes.
(Thankyou, The Chaser.)
What the pfargtl?